Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
