I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
