You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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