She said her name was "party"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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