just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
