his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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