I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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