we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
