My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
