he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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