Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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