my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
