I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
