So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
