The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize