You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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