i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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