I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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