Yo dont text me then not text me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
