My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
