Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
