Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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