you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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