So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize