Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
