hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
