Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
