His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he puts the penis in happiness.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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