you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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