Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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