the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
