Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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