you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
