Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
