Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
