This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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