She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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