There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
