I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
