I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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