tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
