found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
