2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
