Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize