Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
