did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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