At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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