i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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