You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
