i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
