i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
