Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
