I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
