A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
