thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize