I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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