he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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