how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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