Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
