kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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