Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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