I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
