I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize