Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
