This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm really busy with my period
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