you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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