I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
