I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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