It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
