Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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