and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
