ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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