I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
