You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
