Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
