dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
