forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
