yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
