If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
