We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
