Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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