My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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