You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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