I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
