i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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