went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
