I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
