We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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