Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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