There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Houston, we have a squirter
It's blow job season.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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