Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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