You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my shit smells like andre
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
