the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
