That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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