Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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