why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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