Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize