Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
