I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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