omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
